Option #6: Make Hangovers not War: Everyone gets 578 Cans of good Chinese Mekong River Beer

Submitted by Dave Hudson, Saskatoon, Canada

The way it works is based on a human population of 6 billion carbon-based units, but as of today, I see there are actually 6.6037 souls on the planet. Heck we may as well give them all beer, kids included, it makes calculations easier and the youngsters can always give the beer to their parents or use it to barter for food, medicine, or education....

The idea is that anything and I mean anything is better than war and weapons... even Kokanee Draft. The idea of all of mankind (and kidkind) being absolutely swamped in free and gratuitous beer just shows how absolutely absurd and wasteful the tab of a war on Iraq is. In short anything would be better. (I choose beer).

500 billion bucks (I assume USD) / 6.6037 billion folks = $75.72 USD for every person on earth

At Walmart in Kunming, Yunan Province, China you can buy superb local Mekong River Beer (Lan Cang River, as the locals call it): LCR Beer. I like Walmart because to me, it's almost as obscene as the war itself--a big monstrosity from America. It's all about money anyway, the war that is. And China wow, let's buy beer there and grow their economy even more because at this point I pretty much feel that as China goes, so goes the world. So let's buy beer shall we? It's 2.1 renminbi/yuan for a 750 ml bottle = 26 cents a bottle ($ 0.2621 USD as of today); divide that into 75.72 bucks per person of earth.... you just got yourself 289 double sized bottles of beer, so that's 578 regular sized beer... but it's actually a little more because 750 ml /2 equals 375 ml per bottle which is 20 ml more per bottle than a normal 355ml can.... so lets just round that up from 578 to 600 standard sized beers per person, which is awesome actually because that's 50 dozen beer on the nose per person on Earth, from big fat Joe Drunkenschmuck, watching sports on a 60 inch, 1080i at his New Jersey time share, right on down to little starving and half-blind Ignubi Gnobo a 4 year-old orphan from Sierra Leone whose mother died of AIDS. Yes, we even have 50 dozen beer, for Sadam Hussein. It doesn't matter if he's a war criminal and in jail. He belongs to the club of humanity and gets his beer. How about Osama up there in his cave. He could surely use 25 (count 'em) two-fours of nice Muslim suds. (Or how about some Busch Beer for that cowboy?) He might not drink them of course. That's his choice, but just the fact of 600 beer sitting there next to his Koran as a reminder of the terrible waste and excesses of war is a poignant touch. I don't know what I'd do with my 50 dozen beer, maybe I'd mail them to a friend. It doesn't matter what you buy with all those billions of dollars; the zanier the item, the better I say to show how ridiculous it all is. So make hangovers, not war brother.